How to navigate diet talk this festive season!

The holiday season is in full swing – and with it lots of diet talk, which we can think of as any conversation about weight, the size and shape of bodies, restricting certain foods or food groups for the purpose of wanting to change one’s body weight, shape, or size and the labelling of food in a way that assigns moral value to it such as labelling certain food as “good” or “bad”. It can seem like everyone is so concerned about what they’re eating, how it doesn’t fit their diet, and how they’re going to put on weight over the holidays. One minute you’re savouring your mum’s mince pies and the next someone says they can’t have one because “it’s loaded with sugar” and they’re “watching their weight”. So much for enjoying that mince pie!

Why is diet talk a problem?

Why is diet talk a problem? One reason is that when people are talking about how “bad” they are for taking seconds or how they’re planning to start their diet tomorrow, it makes it hard or even impossible for others to eat and enjoy their meal in peace. Thoughts start to surface like “maybe I’m bad for wanting and having seconds” or “maybe I should have skipped the mince pie too”. It encourages negative feelings about your body and food choices and drives the desire to be thinner. Even comments that are meant to be positive, such as “you look great, like you’ve lost weight” are harmful. Though on the surface they may seem harmless, they reinforce the idea that one type of body (thin, small) is acceptable and others are not. They can also cause people to believe that they must maintain a thin body or always strive for thinness in order to be praised, loved, or accepted, leading them to adopt extreme eating and exercise behaviours to achieve this.

If you are are healing your relationship with food and your body, conversations involving diet talk can be especially triggering. And if you’re a parent working on raising food and body confident kids, you might worry this kind of talk will undo some of your hard work. The good news is that even though diet talk is an unfortunate part of our lives, there are some strategies you can use to help you navigate it and preserve your peace around food and eating this holiday (and every) season. I’m sharing some of these in this blog.

Start with some forward planning

If you are going to see family and friends and you know diet talk will come up, it can be so helpful to consider how to approach this ahead of time. Here are three things you can do to ahead of time: set some compassionate and loving boundaries, recruit an ally and consider how you might respond to  diet and body talk on the day.

Set some compassionate and loving boundaries

You might choose to let your family or the friends you are visiting that you would really appreciate it if they didn’t comment on these things when you’re visiting: anyone’s weight, body size or food choices (yours, your child’s, their own or someone else’s), or the diet they’re on or intending to go on. You could consider saying something like: “I’m so looking forward to seeing you on (day)! I just wanted to let you know, I’m working on improving my relationship with food and I would really appreciate it if there is no food, weight or body talk while I’m visiting. Thank you so much for understanding!”.

If you’re a parent, you’re an important ally for your kids and can help protect them from food and body shame too by letting people know in advance:  “We’re so looking forward to seeing you on (day)! Emma hasn’t stopped talking about it all week! We just wanted to let you know that we would really appreciate it if there is no food, weight or body talk while we’re visiting. We are working on raising our kids to be food and body confident/have a healthy relationship with food. We want them to grow up knowing the size of their bodies is the least important thing about them. Can you please help us by not commenting on how much they’re eating, their food choice or their body size?And also by not commenting on your body or food choices or someone else’s? We would be so grateful. Thank you so much for understanding”.

Recruit an ally

Ask someone close to you (like your partner, a parent, sibling or friend) who knows you’ve been working on your relationship with food and your body and ask them to support you if the conversations turns to diet talk when you’re at an event. Having them there to support you can help you stay grounded and make navigating diet talk easier. Here’s how you might consider asking them for their support: “I’m really anxious there will be alot of diet talk when we visit family and friends at Christmas. You know I’ve been working on my relationship with food and my body. Could you be my ally and be ready to support me if the conversation turns to diet talk?”

Consider how you might respond to any diet talk

There are lots of situations in which setting some boundaries just isn’t practical, for example the office party. In these situations, it’s often not possible to set some preemptive boundaries around diet talk and to stop someone from making an unhelpful comment about food or dieting, but you CAN control how you respond. And even if you ask the people closest to you to refrain from diet talk, it might still come up because it’s a deeply ingrained habit that takes time to unlearn and they might forget. When this happens, it’s helpful to remember your colleagues, friends and family are affected by diet culture too and try to have some compassion for them too. Also, there is no right or wrong way to respond to diet talk. How you respond will depend on your individual situation, the people you’re with, the kind of environment you find yourself in, and how much energy and mental bandwidth you have at the time.

How to respond on the day

Three ways you could consider responding to diet talk include: removing yourself from the conversation, redirecting the conversation and responding directly. All of these options are valid. The best option is the one that feels most comfortable for you, given the situation.

Remove yourself from the conversation

If you don’t feel ready or don’t have enough energy for anything else, removing yourself from the conversation is perfectly OK. You aren’t obligated to respond actively or initiate a conversation about non-diet nutrition and health. You are allowed to take a break and not say anything. You might excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, to speak to someone else or get some fresh air. Taking a break if you find yourself becoming overwhelmed by all the diet talk helps get some physical distance from the conversation, gather your thoughts, affirm yourself and your decision to ditch diet culture.

Redirect the conversation

Another option you have if you don’t feel like responding verbally, is re-directing the conversation. Have a couple of subject changers ready to use when you need them. You might say something like: “would you mind if we speak about something else?There’s so much else to catch up on!” and then move on to a topic you know the other people present will want to talk about like:

• Has anyone seen a good movie/series lately?
• I’m looking for a new book to read. Does anyone have some suggestions?
• Tell me about your holidays!
• Do you have any plans for New Year?
• Do you remember when (insert memory) happened? Didn’t we have fun together!
• and so much more

Respond verbally

There is no one-size fits all approach when it comes to responding directly to diet talk. There are lots of ways of doing this. You might feel comfortable saying some things and not others and that’s OK. Also, as I mentioned above, you do not need to respond verbally at all. Remember, the best thing you can do for yourself is to approach these situations in a way that feels helpful and most comfortable for you. If you decide you feel ready and safe to respond verbally, it can help to have a few phrases ready so you don’t have to think about your answer on the spot. Take some time to think about what friends and family might say so you can rehearse ahead of time how you’d like to respond in the moment. If you’ve already thought about how you might respond, you’ll be better prepared if and when diet talk creeps into the conversation. Spending some time on your “whys” – why you’ve ditched diet culture – can also help you get clear on what you’re happy to let pass without comment and what you feel you need to address.

When thinking about how to respond to diet talk, it can help to remember that:

• You are not always going to have the perfect answer for every situation, and that’s Ok.
• You don’t need to address any or every diet comment you hear.
• You don’t have to share why you don’t want to talk about weight, dieting or exercising if you don’t feel safe or comfortable doing so.
• It’s okay to set boundaries around conversations with family and friends and it’s okay (and important) to assert them.

Here are just a few examples of some ways you can consider responding verbally:

If someone says something like:

“Are you really going for seconds?” you might reply with “absolutely! I’m listening to my body and honouring my hunger!”

“I’m going to be bad and eat a piece of cake” you might reply with “there’s nothing wrong with eating foods that taste good!”

“I’ve eaten so much, I’m going to have to burn it all off tomorrow” you might reply with “You don’t have to earn your meal or punish yourself for enjoying it!”

“Won’t you have some Christmas pudding?” you might reply with “It looks and smells amazing, but I’m full right now, thank you!”

Some ways of responding to talk about your child’s food choices or how much they’re eating might include:

“They’re allowed to eat as much or as little as they want. We want our kids to know that they can trust their body’s hunger and fullness signals and that all foods are allowed”.

“I know you mean well, but we don’t make her eat everything on her plate before offering her dessert. We trust her body will let her know when she has had enough to eat from all the foods on offer “.

Use some coping mechanisms

Regardless of which way you respond to diet talk, don’t forget that having some coping mechanisms you can use when the conversation turns to diet talk can be helpful too. These might look like:

• Taking deep breaths
• Stepping outside for some fresh air
• Noticing and naming your feelings e.g. “I’m noticing alot of diet talk. I choose to enjoy what I’m eating and just let these comments pass me by.”
• Using an affirmation like “I deserve to eat without guilt or apology”.
• Journalling or talking to a trusted person afterwards.

Final words

Having a plan and some options for navigating diet talk and choosing the best option for you when diet talk surfaces, given your mental bandwidth and energy at the time, can help you preserve your peace around food and eating this holiday (and every) season. There is no right or wrong way to respond to diet talk, only the way that feels safe and comfortable for you. And don’t forget, you and your family deserve to enjoy your holiday meals in peace, without guilt and apology!

Ready to take the next step? Contact me and request a complimentary call to find out more about Intuitive Eating and how it can help you truly nourish yourself – body, mind and soul.